There I was on a Friday afternoon at the gym. Trying to remember some of the Lorinda Death Workouts. So after sweating a Black Sea of sweat (is that really possible?) I headed out to do some shopping. Nope not clothes, nope not groceries. And certainly not tractors, definitely not motorcycles with sidecars, and absolutely not books about Sea Turtles. But I was shopping.

Walking from one store to the next, I’m walking but not being aware. It’s a pleasant sunny Autumn afternoon and I’m a retired person. So enjoying a pleasant Autumn afternoon is what I’m supposed to be doing. Spoiler Alert! Here it comes!

Suddenly, I’m flailing like Elaine dancing on Seinfeld. One step almost going over. Second step gaining, but very precariously heading into the danger zone. Third step brain has re-engaged and message to legs (“Get your #$%& together”), message received. Balance re-stored with no falling down of the ego. Quickly looking around with a “ I meant to do that” face I see that the sidewalk I was blithely walking on end in a 6” high curb. I start laughing as I realize I just pulled a “nose deep in cellphone” stunt, without a cellphone.

I survived though, so the rest of the afternoon should be good. Oh how wrong I could be. So finished shopping and was heading back to the car.

Start walking, being a bit more aware of the world around me. As I meander back I realize that I’m thinking about the fact that I’m a bit foggy on the exact locus of my CAR! Not to worry, it’s not a huge parking lot, just a very big parking lot. My brain says “Ok I am 100% positive we walked past this store, after we parked”. Now about the time my brain has said this precise thing for the last 4 stores, I start to think “Houston we have a problem”. So stopping to re-assess, I decide to strike out into the parking lot. Walking backwards and forwards, as my poor demented brain machine tries to work some weird illogical pattern. Hoping to Pacheinko it into finding said vehicle. HA! What Fun!! Not! I will never again laugh at jokes about old people.

I of course found my car.

 I’d walked the parking lot muttering to myself and waving my clenched fists to the heavens. Cursing that pleasant autumn afternoon. Small children are being herded away from the path of the raving lunatic, birds start flying north instead of south due to the heaven cursing and as if by magic my car appears suddenly out of thin air. Ha if only, what a story that would make. And that’s Al’s first and probably not his last senior moment.

PS Now I just have to remember where I put my keys. “Refrigerator”-nope-check. “Microwave”-nope-check. 😉

Wondering what happened to Dayzee? She’s moved over to Patreon to help fund my upcoming book, “The Comicbook Detective.” Want to read more? Be sure to check Dayzee’s Ramblings on Patreon/albclover and help support my writing.

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